Banished

Reality: It's time to disappear

Reality: I've done my part

Reality: It's possible that this is beyond repair

Reality: I will survive

Reality: What would comfort be without discomfort

Reality: We will encounter time and distance rather than each other

UncomfortablePossibility: One's future may not have a place for me in it

UncomfortablePossibility: This is the slow comings of the end

Reality: I've been dreaming this whole time

Hmmm
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:)

jussDreamin

I walked through my apartment lobby today, and enjoyed the clicking of my leather Coach boots,

I got inside the elevator with Frank,

"Seventh floor, right darlin'?"

"Yes Frank. My seventh heaven."

He's a nice man, Frank.

He and his wife Helena fight just so they can make up.

"Fifty years of love and hundreds of broken plates."

That's beautiful Frank.

Our ride to the seventh is short, but sweet.

"Tell your boy to watch his pretty girl closely. We live in the city you know."

"He always does Frank. Give Helena my love."

7A.

My own seventh heaven.

I take of my shoes in the doorway,

drop my jacket

and my purse,

take down my hair,

and walk straight to our big window, overlooking the city.

Our big window.

We shopped for apartments for a long time,

and I wanted this one for the window.

It's raining out, so I put the cactus on the balcony.

I put on Bon Iver's record and vaccume in heels.

I've counted calories since I was fourteen,

not because I'm conscience anymore,

I've been over that for years.

I enjoy the ability to keep up with simple numbers, that's all.

It's sanctifying.

I finish vaccuming, and just in time for me to sit down

the door shuts.

My boy is home.

My boy walks in and sit's down with me.

500 Days of Summer is on, and we laugh because we haven't seen that movie since we were seventeen.

Seventeen.

Metrostation was right...

You won't be seventeen forever.

But in this moment, I am glad for that.

Seventeen had so many questions, and years later

I have every answer right here in my living room.

"Frank said to watch your pretty girl...we live in the city you know..."

A crooked, warm smile on my favorite face...

"You know I always do..."

.............................

And then

I woke up.

And I could not

go back

to sleep.

Collective From Collections

It's easy to find me.

Just cut out all the ropes and let yourself fall.

Walk beneath the balcony, and talk to the boy with a coin.

Then sleep alone with the district for one night.

Don't wake up. Plan on sleeping in .

When you wake up, look through the glass where the light bends at the cracks, then scream at the top of your lungs and pretend the echoes belong to someone you used to know.

Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die?

You might be sad of this, but just let me kiss you now and I'll fade away.

Baby don't be unhappy,baby don't be sad better things are coming I swear there's truth in that.

Now look.

Look up.

[You] will see [me] waiving from such great heights, come down now, [you'll] say. And everything looks perfect from far away, come down now but we'll stay.

You found me.

You found me.

Now this can be our little secret, no one has to know we're feeling higher, and higher, higher, and higher.

Now come on skinny love just last the year. Pour a little salt, we were never here...

My my my,

My my my my my

-Hannah

Let Me Fall

Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in the moment this order's tall

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different "kind"
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love what happened here
Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full; so slow on the split

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted?
Then who the hell was I?
Now I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?

LOVEstory

-Good Morning bloggers
-I always struggle with knowing if Good Morning is one word or two...goodmorning good morning??
-Well after searching tirelessly on the world wide web, I've found no holidays, special events, or even celebrity birthdays taking place on July 26th
-So this panned out to be the perfect time to research Nancy Spungen
-Yep. Sid and Nancy
-THATs her

-Nancy
-Even at a young age people referred to her as "an old soul"
-From the East Coast, she was a fast talking, cosmo-girl,who didn't mesh with the mellow west coasters
-She(like so many of us)was a city girl
-Liked David Bowie, and adored the Warhol Scene
-Of all the junkies who shacked up in Warhol's factory, Andy didn't do drugs
-A favorite movie of mine is Edie Segwicks bio, revolving around life after Warhol, Factory Girl
-But chasing rabbits, NANCY
-At the University of Colorado Nancy had a boyfriend, who adored her(from what I can tell in his bio)
-They talked about music, went to shows, and got high
-Nancy and her boyfriend were arrested for selling pot to a university narc
-After she was carted off the university in a cop car, the boyfriend never saw Nancy again
-Perhaps it's for the hype, or perhaps its real, but he still seems torn over her

-Nancy moved to New York and started life as a groupie
-Groupie life:party, party, party, sleep a little, party,party,party
-In May of 1976 she checked into a rehab program and cleaned up for a while

-THEN, she met the Sex Pistols at a show, the birth of Sid & Nancy
-By 1978, Nancy was famous for her "Romeo & Juliet from Hell" romance with Sid Vicious
-Her mother Deborah recieved a phone call from Sid and Nany's Chelsea Hotel room demanding $3000 dollars. Deborah hung up
-Later that same day Nancy called her mother, apologized, and said she loved her mother and father very much
-That was the last time she called
-On October 12, 1978, Nancy was found dead in the bathroom of her Chelsea Hotel
-Sid Vicious was charged for murder
-Sid was so strung out he was surprised by her death when he became lucid, not even knowing that he had stabbed her
-Segments of a poem read at Nancy's funeral: "She saw,heard,felt what others did not and could not...She was different."

-Sid died of a suicidal overdose one year later

-A death note was found in his pocket asking to be buried in his leather jacket next to his baby
-Nancy: "If I asked you to kill me, would you?"
Sid: "I don't know. How would I do it? I couldn't live without ya"
-Just read a Sid and Nancy interview and really I think Nancy was like many girls: A good girl in love with the trendiness of a bad boy, tricking herself into believing that she'll be the one to change him or make him better। She took care of him during the whole interview। She answered many of his questions while he nodded off (claiming sleep deprivation for four days).

Although I do think there could've been real love between Sid and Nancy, love cant sustain anyone through such destruction. Quotes can be found from both of them about embracing a young death. Sid's mother poured his ashes over Nancy's grave, so in a sense they will always be together. Their stories are sad, and you can't help but feel their emptiness when reading about them, but during their short time together they seemed to complete eachother. Whether they were good, or bad for eachother, they we're what the other was looking for. Punk Rock's Romeo and Juliet is an iconic devestating love story, and while Sid and Nancy died young, the fascination of their famous relationship has not. And just as Romeo and Juliet are remembered hundreds of years after the initial publishing, perhaps perhaps Sid and Nancy will be too.

OohLaLa

-Title is a great Rod stewart song
-Check it out
-I had some very honest conversations today with a couple people, and Id say the day turned out better because of them
-I got my nails done by the nicest korean man I've ever met
-Not that korean has anything do with his kindness
-Well duh
-He talked to me the whole time and wished me luck in my endeavors
-I hope your endeavors go great as well Michael
-Today in the car...well...I cried
-I cried for someone
-Someone very important to me
-Things have been complicated for us for a long time
-I hate crying, but since I was myself I embraced it
-And so what if I felt better after it
-Winding down the day with Bon Iver and Sigur Ros
-Today I feel that I've gotten somewhere
-Civil conversation with A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON is making me feel...well... some kind of whole that I haven't felt since...well...the fallout
-I make lots of use for the word well
-Bon Iver makes even a trumpet solo peaceful
-I need to shop for dorm things
-I figured I would just buy on the day I moved in, flying unscripted and what not
-I tend to do things with zero organization or plan but that doesn't work out for everyone and this move is not just about me
-countdown to Waco:23 days
-And with that, I'll end this boring post, and my night
-A good dose of boring has never felt better

expectopaaaWhattttttt

today....

IS DANIEL RADCLIFFE'S BIRTHDAY

and may it be an absolutely enchanting one Dan :)

pioneersOHpioneers

-Today is Muffin Friday at the Office
-July 24th is Pioneer Day in Utah
-Which reminds me of that Levi commercial I love
-I don't thik I've ever bought a pair of Levi's in my life, but their ad campaigns were spectular in 09'
-Lance Armstrong retired on this day in 05' after winning his seventh Tour de France
-It is the 205th day of the year
-Today birthdays are shared by Jennifer Lopez, Barry Bonds, and Ameilia Earhart
__________________________________________
-In my spare time at the office (cough,most of the day) I've been researching Sid Vicious
-I haven't got around to snooping around in Nancy's life yet, but next week looks promising
-Good ol' Sid... was an interesting guy
-That is one thing killers seem to have on us average joes: a certain level of intruige that we can't really compete with
-Heres some Vicious quotes:
-"You can't arrest me, I'm a rockstar"
-"I'm not vicious really. I consider myself to be kindhearted. I love my mum."
-"I'm not chic, I could never be chic"
-"We're really quite nice and friendly, but everyone has a beastly side to them, don't they?"
-" I got this feeling I`m gonna die before I get old. I don`t know why. I just have this feeling."
-"I`ll die before I`m 25, and when I do I`ll have lived the way I wanted to."
-" You just pick up a chord, go twang, and you're got music."
-Sid threw in the towl when he was 22
-The guy seemed to be dwelling on an early death
-It's hard to know if it was suicide (herion overdose)
-I doubt he just woke up and thought "Today I think I'll-" well you know
-Perhaps it had been suicide for a long time in the sense that he decided he was going to rush his expiration date

All the crazy shit I did tonight
Those will be the best memories.
I just wanna let it go for the night
That would be the best therapy for me.

All the crazy shit I did tonight
Those will be the best memories.
I just wanna let it go for the night
That would be the best therapy for me.

Hey, hey, yeah, yeah.
Hey, hey, yeah, yeah.
Hey, hey, yeah, yeah.
Hey, hey, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

All the crazy shit I did tonight
Those will be the best memories.
I just wanna let it go for the night
That would be the best therapy for me.

All the crazy shit I did tonight
Those will be the best memories.
I just wanna let it go for the night
That would be the best therapy for me.

Hey, hey, yeah, yeah.
Hey, hey, yeah, yeah.
Hey, hey, yeah, yeah.
Hey, hey, yeah, yeah.

It's gettin' late but I don't mind.
It's gettin' late but I don't mind.
It's gettin' late but I don't mind.
It's gettin' late but I don't mind.
It's gettin' late but I don't mind.
It's gettin' late but I don't mind.
It's gettin' late but I don't mind.
It's gettin' late but I don't mind.

Hey, hey, yeah, yeah.
Hey, hey, yeah, yeah.
Hey, hey, yeah, yeah.
Hey, hey, yeah, yeah.

BeautifulDay

HEYYYY
-Today has been spectacular
-Just a feel good day
-Today I discovered a celebrity mugshot gallery
-I'm now obsessed with it: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/index.html
-Check out Shia Lebouf's mugshot (precious)
-I got a text last night from...well...someone unexpected
-Don't you hate it when you've accepted and grown comfortable with the fact that someone generally doesn't like you at all, and then they go and surprise you by being...um...nice?
-It's confusing and rather inconsistant
-BUT on a happier note I'm not sick anymore
-Yes, yesterday in an attempt at recovery I slept from 6 pm to 7 am
-Needless to say I feel better
-I haven't checked on Mathew and Mara lately (google M loves M)
-Today at lunch mother was flabergasted by the amount of tequila that was brought with a womans margarita...dad then notified her that it was a kids cup of apple juice for her child.
-My weekend is looking to be spectacular
-Perhaps more for later

Posession

Chace Crawford was arrested by Texas police in June 2010 and charged with possession of less than two ounces of marijuana.

Ayy Chace... any time you want to get together and watch The Union, my number is on facebook.

Feel

Hands down
I'm too proud, for love
But with eyes shut
It's you I'm thinking of
But how we move from A to B it can't be up to me
Cause you don't know
who i was before you
basically to see a change in me
i'd be losing, so i just ignore you, yeah
oh oho
but your on my mind, my mind, my mind, my mind, my mind
oh oho
but maybe in time, in time, in time
i'll tell you


A little bit, a little bit
a little bit in love with you
I guess that I'm a little bit, a little bit, a little bit in love with you
oh oho

i know you don't break their hearts
but it's you i wanna take apart
and i will never ever be the first, to say it
but still i they know i ah ah ah

I would do it
Push a button
Pull a trigger
Climb a mountain
Jump off a cliff
Cause you know baby I love you love you
A little bit

I would do it
You'd say it
You'd mean it
I would let you do it
It was you and I and I only
Ha hm

I think I'm a little bit
Little bit
A little bit in love with you
But only if you're a little bit
Little bit
Little bit
In lalalala love with me


i hope they never find out
what they already know, know, know
as soon as its official
we'll have to let it go, go, go
so we don't confirm the fling
keep avoiding all the questions
you can teach me many things
i'm just scared to learn a lesson

the pressures on
both hearts beat like a metronome
both n'sync like a justin song
feels so right but it's just soo wrong
i wonder where my world 'bout
where niggas said i know, tryna take my girl out
and her friends say i ain't the one to go for
she just get jealous cause you always get approached more
oh well tell her fall back caught up in some more shit tell her call back
tell her get a man that ain't cheating on her ass
wit a girl that i know yeah tell her all that, that
and as for you i think i know your the one
the closest i've come
I'm probably...

A little bit
A little bit
A little bit in love with you
I guess that I'm a little bit
A little bit
A little bit
A little bit in love with you
oh oho
lalalala love with me
oh oho, oh oho

Salutations

-So it's 9:32 a.m
-Perhaps too early to tell but I'll go ahead and say it: It wasnt a good morning
-Rather than a Good Morning, I was greeted by something similar looking to the picture above
-Perhaps you don't quite understand
-However, I do, and it makes me feel better
-More for later

....एस

I write like
David Foster Wallace

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Broken Down Train

-Today...
-Has been...
-So...
-Slow...
-It's 3:45 and I'm dying for it to be 5
-Not that work is bad at all, just currently uneventful

Desert Vegetation

-I saw Toy Story Three tonight with mom and dad
-Probably the best movie I've seen this year
-It was very relevant
-I also got a pot for my cactus
-Cacti is the official symbolic plant of moving on
-That is relevant as well
-I like Justin Bieber: Sue me
-I had an extremely productive day today
-First purchased dorm decor: blue metal standup sparrow
-Get it...Im about to fly
-LAWL

Au reviour :)

Idling

Bonjour!
-Stanley (pictured above) illustrates how I feel today
-Today is back to reality
-I'm sitting at the office after a difficult nights sleep
-Desperation takes its toll on me as I search for entertainment here
-As soon as I get this blog under control I'm subscribing to Liberally Lean
-I never watch the news... literally never
-A noisy cricket is about to lose it's life in this office...It's not time for a solo jimmeny
-I've been thinking about shopping for days... I shall quench that thirst today
-It's 10:21 a.m and I can Promis you I will be back on blogger before 5:00 p.m
-Mara, founder of M Loves M, has no idea how much I am on her blog during the week
-I have a friend date with Nord tonight
-In an attempt to hunt down the singing cricket, I discovered that he is in a vent in the ceiling... so all hopes of killing him have been supressed
-It is now 4:41 p.m, and just as I knew I would, I am back on blogger
-The Department of Public Saftey is a tragic place
-The Department of Public Saftey is a dirty place
-The Department of Public Saftey is a crowded place
-Improvements could be made to the Department of Public Saftey
-The cricket has taken a break this afternoon and I feel mildly guilty for threatening his life
-I am still unsure of the gender of the office cricket, but for now it is referred to as a he
-theAFTERpart is an adventure tablet for life after high school... but today (and probably for the rest of the week) the only adventures will occur in this office, hence the restless listing
-Today, if all planned ends well, I will buy a pair of grey oxfords
-I prefer "grey" over "gray"
-My spelling prefernce has nothing to do with any ABC endorsements
-I just now had a glimpse of the only truly original person I've ever met
-It saddens me to tell you that he recently sold out to a society that claims to be anti society
-It's funny how those things work out

Take Off

Bonjour!
I've just gotten settled in my house after a week long holiday to BAYLOR UNIVERSITY. I write that in all caps because I've gained quite a bit of excitement over the course of a week. I went to Line camp (fish camp), and after overcoming nerves and a certain awkwardness that generally all freshman have, I had a spectacular time. I met people that I hope to call my close friends soon, and even ate lunch with a few of them after camp was over. There's something intimate about eating in front of people. Hmmm...

I finished out the weekend with my brother, Caleb, who really seems to be growing up. We'll get to share one year together at Baylor as I take off as a freshman, and he lands as a senior. I remember being ten years old and breaking out into fits of anger about Caleb, but seven years later I don't understand that at all. He's the best brother I could have.

I'm sitting in my living room trying to watch There's Something About Mary... and I'm not interested. At all. However I like to finish what I start.

More for later.

Au reviour :)

Pilot

Bonjour!
Good morning/afternoon/evening bloggers. To sum up everything quickly, I'm Hannah. In a little over a month I will begin life (semi) on my own at Baylor University. There are many things I hope to find in this new awakening of my life. This isn't much of a pilot blog entry, but I'm distracted by an episode of the office (the Healthcare Plan).

Au revoir :).