Mom cried today. It breaks my heart each time.

It's a heavy thing to feel. It's as if something reaches inside of you and tries to stretch your heart right of your chest cavity... I suppose thats true in a sense.

I can't help but to leave part of my heart with my mom, and with my dad.

There would be no safer place to leave it after all.

Tonight is my last night here.

It was debatable as to if I would leave tomorrow, or Thursday, but now I know.

Tomorrow is the day.

In leaving there is freedom.

You become and blank slate hiding behind the alias of being new.

_________________________________________________

It's time for the truth...

I'm trying so hard to write about college because that's what I feel like I'm supposed to do right now.... but if it were any other night I know exactly what I would be talking about....

It is my last night to sleep in my bed before I go to Baylor, yet all I can think about is you...

You crawled into my thoughts unexpectedly in the end... but you always seem to do that. You give me just enough time to forget you, and then you make sure there is a reason to remember you again. Im not that girl anymore. I'm strong. I'm logical. I'm not stuck in a fantasy that you pushed me into anymore.

Yes. There is a certain nostalgia about you that I can't seem to escape sometimes,

but I'm older.

I'm not the same.

I grew up...

but you didn't.

You haven't moved.

I used to feel so helpless...

but now... it's you.

What you used to have, you lost.

I don't know what this is.

I don't know if I'm not through with you.

I don't know if this is done.

but this I do know:

I'm in a place to forget...

If you'd only let me.

I don't have enough faith to invest in "maybes" anymore...

From now on, that is your expense.

_______________________________________________

Alright. I feel better.

I know someone may be confused....

This isn't about You.

It's about You.

..........

or maybe it's been about me the whole time.

Maybe this is all

just

a

dream

:)